Desolate

Waves wash over me .. they recall, In bruises black waves, The breakers roll. A gentle lap, Swept aside, Aside. All angry crash, Borne away by the tide. Just the horizons sadness and the stark vestigial memory; black waves washing over me. Endless sea, the maddening flow, of rights and wrongs, of shames and blames,…

Putting It Out There *trigger warning*

It took some time to get here. To tell this story. To share it here. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. It’s scary. I feel as if I’d be judged. Then, I think to myself; I don’t care if people judge me. By what happened to me. I really don’t care. It isn’t my problem….

Feeling Out of It

Most people think I have it all together. I don’t. I have my good days, and then, I have my bad days. Three days ago, I was confident, was full of love, light and groove. I was singing and dancing. Smiling and feeling good about myself. That was a good day. And then, the day…

The Beginning of Self-Love – Part 2

A few weeks ago, I wrote about falling into depression, self-love and how I struggled with it, but with time and consistent hard work, I’m able to love and care for myself. A couple of months after my 27th birthday, my mum passed away without any warning or sickness. I believe it was a few…

A Meltdown

Last Wednesday, I had an anxiety attack. A break down. I was on the train back home and all I wanted to do was to get off the train ASAP. But, I didn’t. A lady kept me company and tried to distract me. When she got off, I contemplated to get off. But, I didn’t….

What Do You Choose?

HAPPINESS is a CHOICE. LIFE can be SO amazing one moment. And then, PAINFUL as hell the next. It can be MESSY. And then, it can be MAGICAL. We can feel broken. So broken. And damaged. And then, we feel whole. Sometimes we rise. Sometimes we fall. The truth is – ALL OF IT –…

Dear Self…

Dear Self, I know you struggle sometimes. I know you often feel broken and burnt out. And I know I don’t tell you enough, So here it is: YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE LOVED. The world sees you even when you feel invisible. I’m deeply thankful for your willingness to continue loving…

A Child Within Us

Staring at simplicity Realising divinity A woman is alive, Within her, a child hides, Though darkness beckons And cynicism threatens The inner child calls To disregard it all. In spite of the pressures, Challenges and stressors The inner child pleads “Take care of me, please.” Hearken to the voice within, Listen to your vagaries Dive…

The Beginning of Self Love – Part 1

I started doing some self-love recently and here are a few things I learned along the way: IT IS NOT EASY. It takes A LOT OF HARD M*****F****** WORK! It can be very uncomfortable. It can break you down. It can tear you apart. It can tear at your heart strings. Self love will force…

Journey to Self-Discovery

I lost the only person whose love I never had to question. I lost the only person who made me feel less alone. In 2007, I lost my mum. And for years, I felt lost and went through all kinds of emotions you can possibly think of. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t…

Let It Go

I believe love is about letting go as both of them represent an opposite thing of control and force – trust. Trust is something that is hard for me to do. It’s because diving into trust opens such wide horizons of freedom. And that’s scary. Exciting but scary at the same time. Both of them…

A Thank You Note

There is this guy who is venturing to put together the puzzle of me without a photo on the box to help with this navigation. Some days, I am missing six pieces, other days, maybe 12 pieces. A couple of weeks ago, I was whole for a while. Cramming a piece into the right spot…